


Book of insanity

by Gillykhicky



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Awkward Ciel Phantomhive, Big Brothers, Blood Drinking, Cats, Ciel/Elizabeth, Ciel/Sebastian - Freeform, Demon Blood, Demon Sebastian Michaelis, Dessert & Sweets, Dresses, Eventual Relationships, Face Slapping, Gen, Grim Reapers, Historical Dress, Illnesses, Insanity, Loss of Parent(s), Mind Games, Murder Mystery, Poisoning, Possessive Sebastian, Prison, Reincarnation, Rough Sex, Sebastian/OC - Freeform, Self-Harm, Slow Romance, Suggestive Themes, Tailoring, Tea, Victorian, Waltzing, William T. Spears/OC - Freeform, waking in a coffin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28302273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gillykhicky/pseuds/Gillykhicky
Summary: Leah, fresh out of finishing school for the term returns home to find her mothers ill condition has made her far from stable. Expected to continue on in proper fashion, Leah faces conflict with her brother and father. Why won't they help!? Woken in the night, Leah is forced out of home escorted by her brother as she learns the truth about their mother. The madness might be catching, and Leah swears that those like her brother and father will pay in full heart. Learn to love, then to lose. But does her chosen target have a heart? Thrown off her horse during the ride to "safety" she walks in the direction of nowhere, and finds Phantomhive manor. With the ties her family severed lying on the ground, does she knock?
Kudos: 2





	1. Nights calling

Book of Insanity

His butler: Nights Calling

The carriage journey has been long with few landmarks to inspire conversation with my chaperone, it is not till a large county estate is visible on the horizon, the well-known Phantomhive manor that any conversation is made. The company, Funtom, was a trade specialising with children’s toys and confectionary, my mother used to buy us the sweets and occasionally at Christmas we were given toys. I always got excited when I saw the cat on the logo, they always were my favourite creatures, and with the logo came the best chocolate I’ve ever tasted. My tutor asked if I had ever imagined what it would be like to live in such a place.

“Do you recall that your father tailored suits for the late Vincent Phantomhive?” She asks  
“Yes, and I remember the one time he had made a dress for the lord Phantomhive’s wife, Rachel. My father was the one to sever ties with the family after they died sending one final wardrobe to the manor out of respect to the only surviving member.” I reply to my tutors comment  
“I’m sure there was more business that could’ve been done, but that’s how stubborn your father is on these matters.”

The cart was now passing the marked entrance to the manor; there were two stone pillars that stood either end of the tall metal gate, and even with all the British weather it didn’t seem to rust.  
“Yes there’s definitely more money in confectionary if you’re in favour with the right people. I’m sure you know what other name the Phantomhive’s have gone by.”

“The Queens Guard Dog” I answer, even if that wasn’t a question.

Passing the gate, I can imagine we’re only several minutes away from the coach house and we’ll soon be approaching the chase. My tutor gave a nod and said something briefly about how their son, Ciel had inherited the job, no one knows if he even wants it. After all who would? You would expect it to be fiercely loyal to its mistress, but in the end they’re just a subservient dog. She looks back down into her book, and in a matter of seconds she falls asleep. I anticipate my brother will ride out to meet me as he has done before, at the coach house near the outskirts of my home town. The carriage begins rocking, on this slippery pot holed street that we are on, and the horses have slowed their pace a little. With light fading quickly, the coachman is battling hard to steer a true course. I sit quietly, uneasy to the previous correspondence of my brother suggesting that my mother had become unwell while I’d been away, and father wasn’t taking well to it. However Edynn remained stoically optimistic siting his own personal good fortune. He was to marry in a matter of months to a family highly regarded in the silk trade perfect complement to father’s line of work. Of course the family was under huge scrutiny and he advised me to speak little of our mother and the financial difficulties we have endured since fathers own creative brilliants was waning in his later years. His finest work for dignitaries, even royalties, was behind him and most of his trade was now with the British colonials. But it was dwindling. This marriage could offer opportunity for resurgence and for father to take on new client’s and apprentices. Edynn himself was a skilled tailor if only father would trust him. For my part, mother wished me to marry well and sought to raise me as a lady, hence my private tuition, and my time away from family. I could’ve been a fine seamstress and the family would’ve benefited from my skills, but marrying right was seen as a much higher priority. ‘We are parvenus, social climbers’ mother would proclaim over her morning tea and father would cough to silence her, broaching the subject of a women and their place as if in our country Victoria were not on the throne of England. I was the diligent daughter whose ambition was sacrificed to the greater need of the family name. Little did I realise my fate was to sacrifice even more for my father’s reputation.

Edynn met me as he said he would, Dicky - our families finest stallion despite the slight humour of his name - was impatiently tossing his mane. I take it my horse is happy to see me. As I skilfully mount up behind my brother, I know Dicky would have no problem getting us back to the house swiftly and safely. I coil my arms round Edynn resting my head on his shoulder. With barely a tug of the reigns we were off. Dickey breaks into a gallop, the moon is rising over the fields, and a distant glow of oil lamps burning along our street map out our route home. I’m longing to sleep in my own bed again, taking a warm bath and maybe share a meal with my mother and father. The ride back is in silence which is not like my brother at all, I try to ask questions, but he dismissed every single one. He refers to quiz me on my term, or is pointing things out of the landscape as we pass, commenting on the weather or asking if I saw that fox over there. When we return there’s still the short walk from the stables and I cling to my brothers arm feeling myself grip tighter as I become more enraged than uneasy. His pulse is racing, and I feel it as I clutch his wrist, this wasn’t like him. What am I to return to?

Once we are inside he takes my coat from me and hangs it on the rack beside the door. We make our way to the drawing room. I espy my mother in her chair I want to run and hug her immediately, but Edynn still has hold of my hand and pulls me gently away to stay standing within the door frame.

“She may not recognise you Leah, medication makes her lose bearings a bit. It usually wears off after a few hours...”

I pull away from my brother’s grip to go and kneel beside her taking her hand and stroking it gently. She smiles and grips mine

“My dear Leah my heart skips to see you” I turn to give a gloating smile at Edynn, but find myself flinching in pain as sharp fingernails begin to penetrate my skin “They lie to me!” she snarls pulling me closer to her “Edna this is cruel, stop this stop them.”

“Mother” I exclaim and I suddenly receive a sharp slap across the face “Mother! Please!” and for a short while recollection writes a sorry picture in her eyes, but all too soon it’s gone again. From his study father is calling out

“Leave your mother be, prepare yourselves for dinner we’ll be eating at seven promptly.”

Edynn ushers me out with a condescending shrug, his petulant ‘I told you so’ moment. I place a hand to the side of my cheek where it still stings a little and my brother takes my cases upstairs.

“Believe me I’ve seen her worse, Leah we will forget this happened. Trust me you’ll feel differently before the sun comes up.” I busy myself splashing my face with cool water observing the red mark vanishing slowly. I change my gown from my traveling clothes to formal dining attire as I knew father would appreciate. Moments later I make an elegant entrance kissing fathers forehead as I pass to take my usual place opposite my mother, her chair still vacant, and I’m agitated to see no place has been set for her. No plate, no utensils, no napkin, no glass or porcelain bell that she would use to call our maid, Edna from her kitchen. Edynn sits impassively fiddling with his soup spoon, father ignoring my brother’s obvious discomfort and my own.

“Tell us of your last term, we always have great stories told about your experiences among the eligible ladies of the county.” He smiles, his back to the empty chair.

“Father, I’d much love to dine with mother at the table as it’s my first evening back” I say hesitantly  
“Leah, mother is weary you’d do her no service forcing her to join us.” I am perplexed by the callous tone of his voice and his lack of compassion. Something had clearly upset him and he did not wish to talk about it. We own a cat which around three summers ago became very ill, everyone sure it would die. Few saw any sensibility in nurturing it back to health, but my father spent hours with our cat which for all its elegance showed little gratitude in return, scratching and snarling as my father gave it some homemade tonics, leaving the house for days without returning as soon as it was able. Now here was mother who needed our love and attention, and my father and brother are both cold. I fix my strongest stare.

“Father, call mother to dine with us or don’t expect me to stay here with you.” He gave a grunt of disgust and yelled loudly

“You should watch your tone young lady, you do not know everything that has gone on whilst you have been away. Edna! Call that WOMAN from the drawing room; tell her she’s being incredibly rude.”

I bristle at his tone and the fact he has refused to use her name. “You haven’t even set a place for her. If I’ve learnt anything while I was away, that is not how you should treat a lady-”

“Enough!” My brother cuts me off slamming his glass on the table. Edna emerges from the kitchen, and my bother gets up, gently taking her arm “cancel that request, please. Mother needs to rest. Sister I understand you want her to join us, but she is unwell! Father is right, there is a lot more you don’t know, and for now we’d like to keep it that way...you could see her later perhaps.” Edynn turns to look at my father who’s face seems to be going red with impatient “Look, I apologise for leaving the table so soon, but I do believe there is some business I must attend to. I shall have Edna bring up my dinner later. Will you excuse me?” He leaves the table

Edna gives a brief smile after my brother “Yes Edynn. I shall do that. Mr Asquith, I do believe Dr Williams is waiting in the drawing room, he’d wish to re-examine her ladyship see if she may be fit to-“

“Be gone, let us finish our meal, I will be with him in due course!” My father interjected abruptly. My frown betrayed me and father fixed me with a withering gaze “I merely engaged the services of a very expensive physician to help me decide what is best for our family and your mother. Her instability has become rather alarming, I’m sure you’ve noticed that she’s not rational, when did she last correspond with you in the manner befitting a lady?” I fall silent as I take this all in. come to think of it my mother hadn’t sent me any letters this term, and I can’t remember far enough whether she was in any good condition when I left.  
I busy myself with dinner, finishing my soup, it was one of Edna’s best, and the main was perfect. She had cooked wood pigeon with roasted potatoes and hearty, flavoursome vegetables. It is a pity to have such good food with such disengaged company my father is simply not here, and though he makes conversation, his mind is elsewhere.  
“I can understand the pressures that come from mother’s illness, but that doesn’t mean we should be ill with her.”  
“My dear girl, your mothers actions not her illness are the cause of my temperament she had tainted this families reputation long ago, I was just too blind to notice it.” His dispassionate remarks are heart breaking and my appetite subsides under this fierce onslaught.  
“I must excuse myself; it seems I am in attendance with the wrong man. This here is NOT my father! I shall retire now if you don’t mind Edna, and bring me my cat if you find her. I could sure do with some proper company.”

I slam the door to my room a little ferociously finding it difficult to keep myself composed I could easily succumb to madness of my own at the injustice inflicted upon my mother. There’s a fire in my grate and Edna has again been busy how she copes on her own these days I fail to comprehend. Although, she may have her own children working, would father compensate her if they were? I sit by the fire with my journal exhaustion overwhelms me, and before I realise I’m asleep. There’s a commotion from the room downstairs and I can hear my mother screaming so I jolt awake and bolt for the door, opening it however to my brother.  
“Get your coat, take your bags. We must leave immediately.” He orders  
“What’s happening?” I ask, panic rising in my throat. I’m not sure if I’m dreaming or this is actually happening.  
“Dr Williams has declared mother clinically insane. She attacked him while he was trying to administer her prescription and so now she must leave for the asylum”  
“If mother insane, I must be completely off my wit.” I cry with confusion  
“Look Leah we must make haste before he orders they take away you. What mother has done will not affect me as much as it will your reputation.” He hisses leading me away. I stumble tearfully in his wake disorientated by grief and times flight. As we approach the stables I force him to face me.  
“And this is for mother’s best, the good of our family?” my piecing stare meets the glare of a demon, the like of which I’ve not encountered in Edynn before. Weakly I continue my sentence my words wavering, I’ve never had to use this tone with him before “This is all about you, isn’t it?”  
“Do as a lady should, compose yourself and don’t judge so quickly. Is that what you think of me? You find me selfish, and driven by image, by money? I am not father.”  
“Oh, aren’t you really? because right now I don’t see a difference!” I remark  
“Leah, I am thinking of you!” The sound of a glass shattering startles the horses and Dickey rears up in front of us, Edynn grips the reigns with white knuckles, but tosses me like a sack over the saddle and the pair of us begin riding.  
“Edynn you are your own man, how could you be like this, letting father have the final say of every situation? You fear what he’ll take away from you, and so you pretend you agree to appease him. You shouldn’t have to! You are better than that; you can stand up to him and prove him wrong. You think it’s fair the way mother has been treated? You agree sending mother to an asylum is the best way to help her? Or were you and father only thinking about how it helps you?” I howl with all the pain I wanted my brother to understand, but he remained numb to it,  
“You expect me to disagree with our father? On the contrary, I believe his actions and decisions throughout were well justified. Mother had an affair.” He threw the words at me so suddenly it took me aback. “So much for death do us part, she strayed, she was never loyal! Growing up, I’ve always assumed our parents lived a happy marriage and were honest people-that was a big lie! She betrayed us, Leah.” He seemed to choke on his own words as if they were being pulled out his mouth.

I’m gripping Edynn’s back feeling my fingernails dig into his skin, but my words must pierce him even more. I rage into the wind that’s howling past my ear and my words mingle with the thunder of our horse’s hooves, a storm vent at my brother. If I could conjure lightning I’d strike him dead. “So mother never loved you? Mother wasn’t OUR mother?” We suddenly veer dangerously to the left and I narrowly escaped getting hit by a low hanging branch. So he would unseat me to shut me up? But I was not done. I find myself just grabbing his ear and shrieking into it “You want to ignore that over a silly affair? She was kind to us!”  
“It’s done, she won’t return...and if you’re sensible, neither will you.” He snarled back at me over his shoulder. His reckless riding was scaring me. He was conflicted, surely. I could still not believe this was my brother. The madness to have seized my mother has clearly taken him too. There’s so much I want to tell him or implore him to understand, but he either can’t or won’t hear me. So what if father made the wrong assumption? “Edynn! Edynn...” I yell “Damn it stop! Have you any idea what you’ve really done, what he’s made you do? You’re killing her!” for a short while my brother slows the horse going rigid on the saddle. I scoff at what he’s just confirmed to me “but if father calls it an affair so be it!” I reach round to take his hands on the reign “Edynn is she really worth our mother’s life?”  
“Does it matter? It’s done”  
“hmn, I pity her” With a sharp kick we’re off again, Dickey obediently gallops onward unaware of my torment. My brother was as fiercely loyal as Dickey. Unable to make his own way in the world, I now understand. I start sobbing into the nape of his neck “you’re nothing but a heartless bastard, aren’t you? How could you do that to mother, and for a stranger you don’t really love?”  
Edynn kicked harder with is spurs again urging Dickey on with alarming speed as if lives depended on it. I beg Edynn to get Dickey to slow down, worried for his suffering with both our weight and treacherous condition, and we’ve been riding for almost an hour now, probably already many miles from home

My brother suddenly relented, slowing us to a canter and finally stopping where the track branched with Phantomhive Manor a mile or so to the east and London city off to the south. I can dismount myself but Edynn lifts me down and forcefully lands me onto the mud strewn path so that I almost lose my balance and my ankles twist painfully in my sodden shoes. He tosses my trunks at me, dismissive of my possessions, demeaning of me. How I loathe him! I open my mouth to object, but why waste reason on one unyielding. His fearsome features perfectly match his wretched heart He’d known me my whole life but tonight we were strangers and this creature was not my brother.  
“You worry about the animal more than me, well then you can make his job far easier and get off. And I am sorry if that’s how you see me now, Leah” I scoff and pick my cases up from the ground  
“That apology was pathetic, that’s still saying I’m wrong and you’re right. You’ve learnt nothing!” I scream up at him seeing as he’s still on tall Dickey’s back. He tips his hat as farewell and silently rides off before I get another word.  
Every last bit of my porcelain act began flaking; I had been playing naïve too long, and what for? Had I been deluding myself for protection? It seems now I’ve finally realised that I’ve been damaged for some time and just below the scars, the reality of my true blood and family bonds.  
I stumble in the darkness towards the nearest place I knew to me. It would be too much to reach the coach house tonight. Although a foreboding destination is a matter of minutes away down the path. Would I swap my home for there’s? Better live amongst strangers those whose nature you don’t know, than to live amongst demons. I’ll turn their little games around on them, if they think they’ve reached true depravity, they don’t know what they’ve unleashed. I’ll play them like I play the fiddle; I’ll show these men real deceit, a lie that teaches them what love is and how it feels when that love is torn away. I’ll hold their heart in my hand and when the time is right, I’ll crush it right in front of their faces.

When the frosted air hits me, I realise the night is growing colder. It was getting harder to see anything as the light from any town houses faded out of my view. The only thing that lit my path was the very weak glow of the moon among the ash grey clouds and the one window I could still see of the Phantomhive manor.  
With such a sprawling estate you’d expect the stray to find somewhere to bed down for the night. It would be rude to wake the family, and a resourceful girl like me should have no reason to. I take out one of my hairpins and look at it thoughtfully. They’re quite strong, and came in use when our governesses took to locking our dormitories. You could say I had a slight talent, it allowed me to settle my abhorrence of incarceration, and freed my roommate to wonder grounds with her latest fling. Tonight, my skill could come in handy. Closer to the manor, the single light I could make out before is no longer visible. I’m assuming no one is awake. Assessing the different entrances, I almost don’t care which to walk through. With nothing to lose I can stride right up to the front doors!  
Growing rage impels me to kick moodily at the door only it hurts; shoes like mine were not made practically fro such things. Coupling the pain I experience nervousness at the possibility of awakening the household, and the questions they’d surly ask. Fortunately the house remains as imposing and still as ever, I suspect the masters bedroom must be well away from the main entrance and equally the last person to open the door would be the young earl himself. I strain my ears for any faint sounds of movement inside and after a little while I had determined there had to be no one awake... for all I know the estate is vacant and the earl is at his town house, London. Plucking a pin from my hair my braid falls gently down to my shoulders. I give a wry smile to myself as I question what use my education was to this point. I pick at the locks with ease and let myself silently in. This was the most surreptitiousness, daring I have ever been. Just as I am beginning to take in surroundings, evaluating my options, the mansion doors slam shut behind me. I flinch feeling a slight pressure against my neck, it’s not a completely unfamiliar sensation one closely linked to wearing a choker necklace. But then it stings briefly like a paper cut  
“Damn”  
“I’ve found it customary that when one knocks on the door one should wait for it to be answered.”


	2. Lady of means

His Butler: Lady of Means

I place my hair pin into my pocket, strangely calm despite the blade at my neck. I let out an audible sigh expressing my displeasure at my assailant’s tedious behaviour.   
“Assuming you’re not about to kill me, because you would’ve already, could we please remove this utterly ineffectual piece of cutlery away from my throat. There’s a good chap.”

“Milady, I’d have considered it a great pity to kill you before seizing the opportunity to hear the no doubt fascinating explanation as to why you’re here.” I sensed a slight smirk as he continued, a slight slither in his silk tone “I was just about to read my master a little bedtime story this will certainly make an excellent alternative. He does love a good yarn.”

I gently grasp his wrist and lower the man’s hand myself. Now I’m free to face him for the first time. He’s relatively tall, his face is young and pallid, his eyes are sharp and alert, but gives nothing away. He sees everything, and reveals nothing; the perfect traits for a loyal butler with full confidence of his master. His age is hard to determine from his features. I suspect a couple years advance of my brother, yet infinitely wiser and capable. He raises an eyebrow inquiringly as my cue to continue, but I’m not in the mood to divulge anything, instead I bristle and prepare for confrontation. It seems the anger for my brother has not completely subsided.

“Milady is accustomed to servants treating her respectfully regardless of the hour, or their master’s childish requirements.” I’m a little hesitant in using his name, but the Phantomhive notoriety has advantages. “Ciel, I’m sure could not have given you the orders to kill those that take the liberty of sheltering here on such a crisp evening. And as you pointed out, I did knock. You were otherwise engaged so I merely saved you the bother of admitting me in person.” 

He remains impassive and I feel like I’m scalding a dog with no understanding, but clearly he is skilled at poker.  
“Forgive me, I clearly misread your circumstances” his voice was treacly and laced with sarcasm “Should I alert the young master of your arrival, and what name should I give him for his visitor?” He’s unfazed by my bravado, I’m clearly in the wrong and I know it, however whilst he’s willing to continue the charade I press ahead  
“Tell him...that his tailor’s daughter is here.”

He nods in mock solemnity “Very well, care to accompany me now?”

The faint sound of a clock chiming breaks the silence from somewhere up the grand staircase that he’s guiding me away from down the corridor. His candelabra like a cumbersome sword he lights the wall hanging row of oil lamps as he passes. I feel like I’m walking through an orchard in bloom as I head along the corridor, the dark mahogany wood at its base giving way to a decorative floral print of cream white blossom basking below a hazy yellow sky. We turn a corner and a few paces ahead there is a door slightly ajar and the reassuring glow of a warm fire. A very soft and curiously oriental voice is barely distinguishable over the crackling of fresh log on the flame. The butler stops in the doorway and turns slowly to address me once again with an excruciatingly sickening smile. 

“Madam, please wait here a moment, I shall ask my young master if he wishes to entertain his tailor's daughter.” He puts a particular pitying emphasis on the final two words. I glower back at him.

“I have no shame in being a tailor’s daughter. My mother was very skilled.” I was not able to get my last words out before he vanished into the room. There are three participants in discussion.

“Sebastian, did you deal with it?” The first vice is young betraying the owner as a prepubescent boy young, although there is a hidden wisdom in the words he speaks. 

“Not as yet sir”

“Oh, did something interesting happen? I must be completely out of it, I do apologise. I simply thought you had gotten fed up of the company or one of the other servants had mixed the varnish up with shoe polish again.” This was the same Chinese voice as heard earlier only a little clearer. I smirked to myself picturing Sebastian’s rigid smile faltering at this thinly veiled snub at the staff for which he was responsible. 

“She waits outside my young lord; do you bid her speak with you?” He asks Ciel  
“I didn’t think you’d find it this much of a challenge, clearly she has some fire if she can handle the likes of you, very well, send her in.”  
Sebastian makes great formality of seeing me into the room with a self-righteous grin, and I know all eyes are definitely on me. I stride purposely over toward a vacant high back wooden chair and place my hands on the wooden headrest. Sebastian is beside me looking quizzical

“May I?” He pulls out my chair for me to sit on “after all this is one of my duties, and what kind of butler would I be if I didn’t make comfortable his esteemed guests?”

“A damn well terrible one and we wouldn’t want that would we?” I mutter with sarcasm returning Sebastian’s expression. He seemed taken aback by it. Ciel scoffs a little raising his hand to cover his expression

“Calm down Lau, you seem distracted, and our games not finished” Indeed Lau did have a chuckle having overheard me, and the look Sabastian gave him as he left to refill the wine decanters was decidedly dangerous. For a brief moment I wondered why he had shown much patience on my arrival, he was clearly a man you would not like to fool with. Was he really intrigued by my story, or perhaps something else? Lau returned to the chess board his defence looked like he had started with a great plan, but had been outwitted and ran out of ideas. I learnt the game myself up to the point where my chauvinist brother began to feel it wasn’t the suitable pastime for a girl, because like most things I could beat him. Ciel definitely had the upper hand to this game and he knew it, of course. I became aware he looked at me intently with one big deep sapphire eye, the other masked by a patch which did not seem to bother him so I assumed this was not the result of any recent accident. Rather unsettlingly he has been focusing the attention on my shoes and was gradually raising his gaze from the hem upwards. He eventually makes eye contact to his obvious surprise he gives an insecure flinch.

“Forgive me, as you claim to be the daughter of my tailor, you could say I was just curious as to what such a young lady wears.” My furrowed brow signals that he rapidly changes the subject “Do you play?” he gestures at the board

“Probably better than your current opponent” I reply while Lau snorts a little

“Feel free” he smiles at me moving away to refill his glass with the wine Sebastian’s returned with Ciel smirks looking at the board knowingly and moves his piece “Check!” I sigh and concede the game, and Lau cries “Now now now, don’t be hasty!”

Ciel waved a hand dismissively “Come now, she has saved us all the agony of your inevitable defeat. You were losing Lau, your fate was sealed several moves ago” He looks at me and pulls a smile “I’ve not introduced myself as I am sure you know me, but none the less, my name is Ciel Phantomhive, head of this estate. I did not catch your name milady”

“Leah” I announced. Ciel’s expression becomes distant for a while and his silence allows me to recall my own first encounter. The time where my parents were regularly attending the manor delivering and fitting pieces. Ciel was a normal happy-go-lucky boy of six or seven years with an enquiring mind and optimistic personality. He invited me to join him and a young girl whose name I can’t recall. I used to be the teacher of their imaginary school in the woods. Ciel appeared so content with his young companion hand in hand setting off on great adventures together. The three of us spent an afternoon together, and at the time their innocent questioning could not disturb me as much as they do now. Seeing now the sort of youth Ciel has become, I wonder how much of my own naïve responses he remembered and took to heart. Ciel clears his throat.

“Leah is not such a common name in these times, as of course mine. Do your family have residence in London?”

“We’ve lived on the outskirts of Epping Forest for many years, and my family have served the Phantomhives for generations...”

“Are you saying now he owes you money? Ciel, you don’t owe this woman anything do you? That would be one very unfortunate debt to pay.” Lau smiles swaying a little  
I roll my eyes and humour him by offering an explanation despite his rudeness.

“Lau, since you ask, I am intrigued.” I turn to Ciel “Why had our families severed ties even after our loyalty to your late mother and father? Let them rest in peace.”

Ciel remains impassive pondering over my impromptu question  
“You speak of loyalty, so then I’m sure you respect that I cannot give you an answer with respect to your family. Might I suggest it’s a matter to discuss, perhaps with your own father?”  
I try to grit my teeth and choke back my words, but they were already escaping and others tumbling out after them, like a mighty dam had broken.

“Yes, my father. A man who walks the earth yet is dead to me, he’ll rue the day ever when our paths cross again. I curse everything he touched but the life he had a small part in giving me. That thing could never carry the word ‘father’, not even to swine. Of course then I do have a brother, the perfect offspring for the devil incarnate. A hell bound Demon surly on his way back with all whose hearts he has ripped from their living flesh. I would not have him dead, I would have him suffer the pain he has inflicted on others-” abruptly my tirade was interrupted by Sebastian approaching me with a brandy glass, the aroma is powerful and I find myself cough a little and my eyes snap up at him as I take the glass.

“I took the liberty on such a cold night, some medicinal brandy. Efficacious for body...and mind.” I sensed he was mocking my outburst and I quaffed down some of the drink cheeks reddening, but determined not to suppress any action. “Most enlightening, how charming it is when you express your feelings. Like a poem such venomous words sound like a sonnet-”

“Is that servant speak for you find me attractive when I’m angry?” I pause a moment contemplating my own thoughts again, I must sound so vacuous, behaving so petulantly, I give an audible sigh “or perhaps when I am making a fool of myself.” Ciel looks enquiringly at Sebastian for him to continue; clearly he’s more rapt in our theatre, than any potential bed time tale. I’m sure he had words of his own, on the subject of demons and their muses, but Sebastian had embarked on the topic so it was only polite to let him air his opinions.

“I am not mocking you. I think it would be fair you apply the word demon cautiously and understand the entity to which you are referring. Anger is nectar to a demon, and it’s not just a state of mind or heart it’s an invisible aura that seeps from every pore of your skin. Humans cannot detect it, but it is as real as gravity. And ultimately it does consume you, and your soul can be scarred permanently.” I am unnerved by his forceful chiding. Perhaps the butler revels in the notoriety of the family name, embellishing the family reputation at every opportunity. Is he confessing to consorting with demons himself? A shocking thought grips me, was he implying he feared for my own humanity? Sebastian moves to a more prominent position in front of the fire where he can address the room.  
“Young master, as you see I have observed things in my personal study and I hope you can forgive me for educating our dearest guest in your stead.” Ciel gestures a shrug and a brief mischievous smirk “those who have fought many battles wear their scars with pride and find comfort in the lessons learnt. I sense you’re not used to the kind of betrayal you speak of, the furnace of your rage has only just been ignited and the choice remains with you to nurture it, or douse it now...a wise person would realise that if one was to let go of all pain they’d lose themselves along with it. You have taken a leap forward it’d be a shame to take several steps back, especially as I find it...alluring .The way, without guidance, would lead to insanity.” 

Ciel interrupted with a cough  
“At this late hour your tuition has perhaps fatigued our guest. I trust we have a spare room for all her needs and besides she may find you more ALLURING in return after a good night’s sleep.” A barely perceptible shrug kept me from biting all this jibe and Sebastian’s mortified look added to my enjoyment. He rallied himself

“Very well young master, follow me Mistress Leah.” I am led out my chair and am gently brought by the arm towards the door. I find I do have heavy limbs from long and potholed journey. “I would like to talk more, or explain myself further on my return-”  
“I think we’re done here. Enough has been said for tonight” again, Ciel smirks as we leave, Sebastian closing the door on Lau and his laughter.


	3. Seamstress in Residence

His Butler, Seamstress in residence

Breakfast was an unnervingly quiet affair, and not at all like anything I have been accustomed to. At the finishing school, young ladies often dispensed with formality in those precious hours before classes began, frivolous gossip quite unbefitting ladies of grace and stature. Bawdy jokes and raucous laughter, continuing into sniggers and whispers in the first lesson; always a new topic of interest or object to ridicule. Even at home, conversation at breakfast was often lively and animated as my parents talked about the interesting clients they’ve met on travels. The Phantomhive’s included, my host Ciel’s parents were often spoken about in the times they were still alive. They were hospitable and dignified, seemingly at ease in the company of royalty and commoners alike. This morning Ciel appears reserved, and lacks the social etiquette his parents would have expected for him. He barely looks at me, his one eye fixated on a rose scented letter, the fragrance wafting across the room chasing the steam from the tea pot Sabastian was holding. He looks at him curiously.  
“Young Master, I confess myself concerned your egg has been perfectly boiled, the yolk piping hot, runny and golden as you like it. Every moment you waste to not dunk your perfectly trimmed toast ‘soldiers’ the creation drifts from its best. Is there any way to reinvigorate your pallet?”  
Ciel’s jaw opens, he makes to respond, but finds no words and gives up, his mouth remained open, a slight shudder passes through him as he passes over the note in his hand.

“It’s Elizabeth” Ciel says gagging a little as if he could hardly bare to say it  
Reading the note Sebastian lets out a sigh of satisfaction

“What a relief my lord, that it was not my culinary skills that brought about this descent into the doldrums!”

I remember my own encounter with the infamous Elizabeth, I hadn’t realised the relation till now. It was the very pungent scent that called to my mind memories of the young mistress. It was compulsory that a ball was held and all women of the school were to attend and show off their taught skills. Some may even have found appropriate suitors. A private function, held in the hunting season for the nobility, shooting stags on Enfield chase and pheasants in the lea valley. Our evening was punctuated by the arrival of Elizabeth Ethel Cordelia Midford, shrieking in delight at the fashionable frocks and imported apparel. I feel a hand on my chin as Sebastien closes my jaw with a smirk.   
“Your resemblance to a goldfish leads me to suspect you have encountered her ladyship Elizabeth, the young masters betrothed” I want to laugh hysterically, but I control this impeccably. If Sebastian is the master of corpsing, then I’m a deserving understudy.

“Well yes, in fact she was simply adorable. What’s your opinion on young love, Sebastian? It’s perfectly natural for a boy of his age to be nervous. I’m sure you were just as handsome in your youth and not too old to forget your first love. One never forgets their first courtship”

“I’m right here!” Ciel suddenly barks, rocking the table as he slams his hands down on the maple desk. “She arrives this evening, how could I forget my promise to prepare festivities celebrating her birthday. I shall be required to partake in formal dance, a strauβe waltz of her favour!”

“I take it he doesn't like to-” 

“Dance,” Sebastian finishes my sentence sharply. “My young master excuses himself from such activities in service of his queen, long may she reign. I’ve tried persevering but the young master sadly lacks the ability to coordinate his mind and body...most particularly his feet where music is concerned.”

Ciel stabs his egg with a perfectly trimmed soldier looking crestfallen “I never chose to be her fiancé, and yet it curses me the duties I must fulfil as one. Can’t we reschedule, Sebastian? I haven’t even chosen out a present.”

“Young master, I find it would reflect badly if we had to reschedule now, considering how invites would have long since been sent out”

Ciel pushes his breakfast aside quite abruptly so that you can hear the silverware clattering to the floor. I gently dab the corners of my mouth with my napkin and make preparation to leave the table, bowing my head toward Ciel. I would’ve stayed, but the mood here has changed. Sebastian moves to intervene, magically producing fresh tea and toasted crumpets, smothered with golden and melting butter. I resume my place.

“It is opportune that you are an old family friend, Leah” I hear Sebastian give a sharp hiss behind me and the tea pot hits the table with slightly more force than necessary. Ciel continues unaware “I would not wish to embarrass myself in such a way before a guest” I bite back on the temptation to remark that his behaviour has been churlish, his sincerity is genuine, yet so out of place for a boy just in his teens. I still see the boy dressed in my father’s finest tailored sailor suit, playing with his toy soldiers and dolls of his playhouse. Now he sits before me worrying about a future marriage, and the omnipresent expectation of his betrothed hanging over his head. I gesture my plate of crumpets towards him.

“Perhaps you would like to help yourself to one, since you gave up on your first breakfast” He takes one and the room falls calm. I busy myself sipping my tea. Watching Ciel over the brim of my cup, I note that he’s intently studying me, or more accurately my dress again. “the lady Elizabeth has a predilection for haute couture. You have a seamstress under your roof Ciel, much as I wish to throw off my family’s name, I cannot deny that us Asquith’s are exceptional dress makers. As master of the house would you give me pleasure to create her a ball gown as an appropriate birthday gift?”

“I had thought to broach the subject given the multitude of our commitments and the exactitude of time. Would you like me to prepare the horses master?" Sebastian seems eager to leave the room, if I hadn't noticed myself that time was ticking, I'd have made a joke. "An hour should be sufficient time, and I’ll remind the servants to do nothing in preparation for the ball. I would not like to return to hysteria.” The dynamic of the household is bizzare, they appear to have no function and are completely incompetent in performing the simplest of duties. I wonder whether Sebastian humours their behaviour out of family loyalty to Ciel or if this is a charade masking more important roles under the phantomhives truism. 

Sebastian leaves the room and I stack away the breakfast things in his stead.

"Sebastian seems to lack the humanity it takes to understand why you don't dance, why you choose to say you can't and refuse all your tutoring...if it isn't overstepping my bounds to say this Ciel, they're no longer here to teach you anymore why wait as if they can, and will. It's like I told you: once something is truly lost, one may never get it back...a lesson I taught you years ago" I watch Ciel get up from his chair and he walks to the window to look out over the landscape that was left to him. 

"They are. In the past two years those words have become my own, and it feels strange to have them spoken back at me by the very person I learnt them from." He fiddles with the ring on his finger and slowly turns back "You're right...they aren't here, but you are. Dancing used to be so carefree and natural to me, now music and the rhythm are masters, my body resists bowing to it" 

he paces the room contemplating in an uncharacteristically hesitant way; as if in a conflict aware that he was talking about his childhood memories displaying a venerability he'd usually conceal, particularly from guests. I hadn't noticed before, but as Ciel strides purposefully toward a corner of the room I realise he's making for a particularly modern gramophone player. He delicately lifts the protective cover and inspects a pristine record that had been left there from a previous unknown occasion. I'm convinced I see the hint of a smile tug his lip as he turns the handle and gently brings the stylus down onto the vinyl. There's a slight crackle at the beginning before perfectly clear orchestral music resonates throughout the dining room, and Ciel and I are back in our childhoods. I remember him, a little boy taking my waist, full of confidence to impress me. Now, he sheepishly approaches with eyes on his own feet, and a tentative arm round my waist, barely his hand on back. 

"We used to dance, Leah. Would you please remind me?"   
I smile and rest my hand under his chin, easing his head up to make eye contact "treat a dance as if it were a conversation, you would consider it impolite to talk without looking at one another. Dance is about two bodies speaking with no voices heard. One must initiate the conversation with conviction, for it to become one between two equals." He firms his grip appropriately, stumbling slightly on the first beat of three, and correcting himself he leads.

"Shall we waltz?"

"We shall, and we are" I chuckle softly. He's a little flat footed and rigid in the first few bars, and his face is tort with concentration "one two three, one two three, Ciel. Let the music cast its spell, give the atmosphere a chance..." there's a twinkle of recollection in Ciel's eye as he recites the next line from his mothers poem

"Simply follow where I lead..." 

"Let me teach you how to dance"   
He looks briefly at how to fix his feet and I raise his chin again. I want Ciel to lead, and by now he's doing exceptionally well, I subtly shift my weight to make it easier for us to turn as we waltz nearer the windows of the breakfast hall. He's incredibly light on his feet which isn't so surprising given the nature of his vocation. I feel a dark shadow over come the room and I raise my head above Ciel to glance out the window, stumbling when I notice Sebastian's intense cool stare. Ciel supports my balance, preventing me from falling as any accomplished dancer would. And I get it. For all Sebastian's expert tuition, his young master had subconsciously refused to learn this type of art from his butler. I know Sebastian is far more than just any butler, but I derive an internal pleasure from my social superiority to put him in his place. We continue to waltz as the music slowly dies down and the final notes of the orchestra are replaced by faint crackling and then silence as Sebastian enters, removing the needle from the vinyl. Ciel's grip on me hasn't changed from when we danced, and he finds it hard to slowly relax and let me go. 

"Mistress Leah, we must make haste to London, we have fabrics of your choosing to buy, and the lady Elizabeth will expect the highest quality from all the merchants. Young master, news from her majesty, we have some unfortunate business with the undertaker in white chapel."   
Ciel is removed from his trance as his mind is called to all his duty, and he goes a little pale. Gazing up at me, there’s an invitation to leave if I were ready, yet a desire I stay with him, read in his eyes. I curtsey before him

"Well then I suppose I must excuse myself Ciel. That was fun, thank you. You have nothing more to worry about, your dancing skills are faultless just as they were when you were little." He blushes before giving a bow. 

"My pleasure Leah, I have learnt the value of friendship to rejuvenate youthful pleasures thought lost to me." 

"I must insist we leave now, I've already made inquiries at the haberdashers at Liberty's and the management have assured me the full attention of their most knowledgeable staff." Sebastian carouses us briskly to the carriage.

Ciel and I sit opposite one another in a fairly modest compartment, our conversation punctuated by the rhythmic passage of wheels over cobbles. Ciel avoids us falling into awkward silence by confidently broaching the subject of my previous shopping trips to London.   
"Your family brand is renowned in high society, your name will be known at Harrods and Liberty's" His expectant smirk meets my frown

"They may have retailed our designs there, but we'd never go there for our raw materials, as their prices include a huge profit over and above what we'd get from traders they themselves would deal with at the markets"

"I see, yes I've been to Ledenhall, it's very pleasant. I've been there many times with Sebastian"  
I chuckle, but don't say much more and the journey passes serenely until the we're approaching the city and become another horse and carriage in an already crowded thoroughfare. My admiration for Sebastian's smooth coachman ship grows enormously as we smoothly negotiate through the chaos with barely a change of pace. We soon arrive at the grand entrance just off Carnaby street. Sebastian was not exaggerating when he mentioned that the staff would be waiting attentively for us. We were ushered through the crowded foyer and straight to a private 'boudoir' where a vast array of fabrics have been laid out for inspection. A suited gentleman greets Ciel with a firm handshake, and guides him over to a hideous selection of what looks to me like satin cold meats. Ghastly pinks that I've witnessed her wear before. She definitely doesn't suit red which is where the hapless Ciel has now been misguided. I feel an urge to intervene, but busy myself quietly browsing the Persian silk and Egyptian cotton in subtle blues. Searching with all my senses buzzing in the presence of such opulence and possibility. I'm inspired.

"No no no, you must put that down, the agitated assistant is suddenly upon me, cheeks reddening in frustration and embarrassment that Sebastian and Ciel seem lost despite all his efforts. I'm pleasantly surprised when Ciel comes to my defence 

"Miss Leah is with us, and has been commissioned to create the garment. Perhaps it would be wise to ask her opinion" I smile sarcastically at the retreating salesmen

"Gentlemen, I must dissuade you from simply dressing miss Elizabeth as her parents and personal taste would spoil her. Pink makes her complexion paler, and heavy dressed garments do nothing for her figure or her graceful movements. It's a pity that such beauty and grace can be lost" the suited manager has returned and now seeks to contradict me

"Miss Elizabeth and her family have been buying dresses from us for many years." He looks loathsomely at the roll I've already begun to mark up for cutting. "forgive me if I feel that we have better knowledge and understanding for what the young lady would appreciate...clearly not this." And he turns his back on me, preparing to usher Ciel away again. His condescending attitude riles me, and I find myself raising my voice to demand attention. 

"The lady Elizabeth on an occasion such as her birthday becomes the highlight of the evening. You would not have her parading as a prize pig for slaughter in all those meats you have over there, would you? Now, price me this fabric at market cost and no more per yard, or we shall take our customs somewhere more civil." There’s a faint whimper and the shop assistant to my left collapses theatrically into Sebastian's arms choking on the words 'cost per yard'. The manager seeks support from Sebastian and Ciel, but neither come to his relief as I continue "as the seamstress in residence at the Phantomhive estate, I hope we will have a mutually beneficial trading relationship in future, if you're willing to comply." both standing our ground poker faced, I have no intention of negotiating; I could buy this fabric elsewhere, if I had time and means of travel. By reminding us of more pressing matters to resolve, Sebastian breaks the silence.

"If miss Leah is quite happy with the selection she's made, we'll take it all. If you would be so kind to load it immediately onto our carriage, we have other business we must attend to. You may charge it to the estate account, farewell and thank you for your assistance." And so we leave. 

The Undertakers parlour is small and secluded, what had been a high finished shop with it's glossy sign, now looks weathered down with its varnish slowly waring away, the purple paint peeling, and the engraved letters were eroding and becoming more illegible. Our journey here fortuitously went with the flow of traffic that was uncommonly minimal for the time of day. 

"Mistress Leah would you be so patient as to wait in the carriage? I would refrain from learning the business thats going on in here, As part of the Phantomhives, we wouldn't want to tarnish your impression of us." Opening the carriage door to let Ciel down, and ushering him to stay and wait, Sebastian enters alone. I step off the carriage myself to enquire why we must both wait out in the cold, the wind has gone up a little and it's quite unpleasant. Even the horses seem unsettled. 

"There is a cost for the divulgence of information, regardless who you ask it from. The undertaker's price is fairly simple, he prefers his payment in humour, and it's not a distraction I can afford" Ciel answers flatly. 

Moments later I hear the undertaker guffawing and applauding happily, the triumphant comedian opens the door with a sombre expression, the undertaker rolling about his desk clutching his ribs as if he could just die of laughter. Ciel clears his throat   
"lets get on with it" 

"Of course young master" Sebastian steps aside to allow his young lord past, and I'm about to question if I'm allowed to enter myself, when the undertaker stops his laughter abruptly with a gasp. A leering smile spreads over his face

"The likeness is uncanny, what a beautiful spectacle she is, and what a vision SHE was"   
His expression disturbs me more than his words at first, but I find myself stumbling into the parlour and before Sebastian and Ciel can stop me I unveil my dead mother. Every part of me is paralysed, I can only stare in horror until my numb legs give way, and I grasp my mothers hand. Sebastian is still asking questions to the undertaker. I hear their conversation and every word is a torment to me, still my body refuses to act. Catch phrases included my family's business, the tragic circumstance of how 'this woman' came to be here, and finally I snap back to reality at the mention of poison. Rising to my feet I pivot slowly to confront the undertaker 

"What poison, how?"   
Ciel has moved silently beside me and taken my hand, but I reject his comfort. I notice our host looking between Sebastian and Ciel for approval to answer my question, so I stand resolutely between them. I can't meet his eyes, but I know I have his full attention. This is not just any woman, this is my mother, and I know Ciel has recognised her too

"Most gruesome your situation eh? Poor dear was on her way to the asylum, no fault of her own, and the poison that put her there killed her before she got to the gates. Might've been a blessing" he gives me that perverse smile again and I bite back my rage. Blessing? "Better dead that insane amongst the insane." 

Sebastian steps past me to peer down intently "from skin discolouration, I suspect mercury"   
I'm clenching and unclenching my fists, angered by his untactful invasion of my dead mother. 

"Sebastian, back off, and give the late Mrs Asquith her space. She was known and loved by my family, we must show respect."   
Ciel's maturity is remarkable, but I'm unable to appreciate it right at this moment. 

"Mercury?" I glare at Sebastian and the undertaker who nods  
"Correct, ingested in small doses either through misadventure or misdemeanour, of which I cannot be certain"

"Misdemeanour?" I scoff "Murder I think is a better word..."

"Accusations are dangerous, that way madness lies" Sebastian and the undertaker seek to admonish me simultaneously, and this time I square up to the butler

"So call me mad then! I swear, if my father had a hand in this over some silly accusation of infidelity, while he himself visited prostitutes and dined with other women as is acceptable of gentlemen- My plan will be swift and absolute." 

"I see now why your anger felt so fresh, but now I'm detecting some parts of you just below the scars, which have always been raging. Interesting'' Sebastian mutters quietly to himself.  
My plot already has intricate plans in my head, and I cannot swiftly reveal all. However, I bridle the adrenaline rush and declare my intentions. 

"Why can they not produce evidence of this apparent deception?" I pace about the cold stone floors with rhythmic footsteps pounding like my heartbeat. I feel all three staring, but continue unabashed 

"My mother wouldn't set out to ruin me having devoted herself to my well being and upbringing. He however was forever chasing the next big in our profession, maybe he's just extended that to my mother and I. No longer new. No longer good enough." Sebastian makes an interruption, but I move on briskly "lies breed more lies till you are so immersed there is no truth left in anything. My brother painted her that way, he was more duplicitous than even my father, and can't possibly comprehend what it is like to truly love, and have that feeling ripped apart before him. He doesn't know real deceit, no he'll never experience honest betrayal" I grip onto Sebastian's tie and draw him close so we're noses apart "A part of you is like him, so I will show you! I can play a heart as expertly as I play the fiddle, and once I have you fooled...I'll break you" I release his tie.


	4. The Dance macabre

His butler: the dance macabre

Grief induced insomnia, meant I stayed up good few hours into the early morning making vast progress on the Lady Elizabeth's dress. I've a talent for knowing my clients measurements from one look, and I'm sure when she's ready to try it on later, I'll only have a few minor adjustments to make. My evening went calmly, working by warm candlelight, and starting already on the embroidered detail. I finally slept after my candle died, and was peacefully undisturbed. I shriek when I'm suddenly startled awake by loud hammering on my door. Sebastian calls through the other side that he apologises if he disturbed me, though I feel he very well meant to. It's not his job to wake me, and he probably didn't expect me to be working on the dress into the early morning. Leaving my room to attend breakfast, I see him attempting to put up a golden plaque that reads: seamstress in residence. I make no comment and let him revel in his own personal joke, as I descend down the flight of stairs. I notice rose bowers hanging along the banisters, newly polished floors, and the chandelier was well dusted and ready to glisten brightly again. She was here. 

"Leah!" Lizzy leaps from her chair and speeds at me, wrapping her broad open arms round my waist, and pulling me into a hug tighter than my corset. I hold her loosely, gently petting her curls while she purrs like a content little kitten   
"It's been so long, hasn't it? I miss our dances at the finishing school very much! I never mean to ignore you Leah, but my family have a...thing about class" she pushes me back to hold me at her arms length, and smiles sweetly. Gasping for whatever thing she had remembered, her expression suddenly lights up more "Have you finished my dress yet? Balls are such a special occasion, don't you think? Can I see it, touch it? How many frills have you given it? Oh I can't wait to see it, show me! Show me now!" 

Ciel at the head of the breakfast table clears his throat  
"Elizabeth" he gives a warning tone which leaves Elizabeth to stare down at her hands while her fiancé addresses me. "Leah I hope you're feeling well rested. I told Sebastian he not disturb you too early, as I don't expect you got much sleep last night. You see Elizabeth, Leah lost her mother yesterday. It would be respectful of you to first let her have her breakfast, if she feels fit for it, before asking about your dress." 

She nods desperately and nuzzles at me  
"Oh of course! I must've seemed so insensitive. Do forgive me, Leah, It must've been a huge loss to you. I can hardly imagine" I feel hot tears falling onto my dress, but when she pulls away to curtsey, she maintains her smile. Past her green eyes she holds a glimmer of pity. I smile back and kiss her forehead 

"I'm doing just fine. Don't worry you're pretty blonde curls about me. If it isn't too late to say, I forgot to wish you a happy birthday. Dear Elizabeth, if Ciel doesn't find it too rude I’ll have breakfast sent to my room, and I will gladly take you up to see your dress" she cheers up a little more, and I dab the crystal tears from her eyes.   
"I have practically finished, but it requires some minor adjustments, if you don't mind I fuss." Ciel gets up from his chair, calling for my company, hoping to supply me some comfort. I seat him back down with a look. I am not a little girl anymore Ciel, I won't be crippled by grief, what threads of humanity I still have I must grasp and move on. The real world is far from kind to anyone Ciel, you'd agree. I rest my hand gently on the small of Elizabeth's back and guide her out. Sebastian simpers at me as he passes towards the dining room, pleased with himself. I give one of a more flirtatious manner in return, Elizabeth gasps and starts to rattle my arm as if she had many questions for me. It was one smile! 

"Leah you don't-" she's smiling so broadly the chandelier practically reflects on her teeth! I'm more than aware of my 'mistake', this generation is no worse than others in it's obsession with social tittle tattle, and I suppose a person of my class 'falling' for a lowly butler is a pretty scandalous ordeal. 

"Think... I actually might" I feed her amusement, walking briskly up the staircase. She faffs with frilly fabric to hoist her skirt up enough, that she doesn't trip while following me.

"But he's just a-"

"I know!"

"YOU LIKE-"

"Shhhh!" I hiss rounding on her, towering from the stair I was on above her. She blushes and seals her mouth shut, suppressing her giggles. For a girl of her age she has exemplary grace and posture, and I sometimes wonder if under all the frills, whether the girl she is at school will ever see the light of day with the Phantomhives. 

We arrive outside my quarters, and Elizabeth sniggers at the sight of the golden plaque on my door. She pauses and looks very puzzled

"But Ciel informed me you were an esteemed guest, what is this sign doing here, unless you are the 'seamstress in residence' " 

"You should know my family history, my mother and..." takes a breath "designed many dresses for the late Rachel Phantomhive, and I've surpassed her skills. I think I even surprised Sebastian in bartering a deal with Liberty’s for the fabrics I've chosen for your dress this evening. I used the title myself to gain authority over the merchants at the store, I suspect a little token of admiration from Sebastian for my business prowess." I choose my words very carefully, she has a naive vulnerability, but is not completely gullible. If I can light the fire of curiosity, I can let her fan the flames in his direction.

"Token of admiration! Leah!?" 

I roll my eyes and stride purposefully into the room, leaving her in the hallway still in raptures over the 'immaculate lettering' and the 'sweetness' of his gesture. He took great pleasure waking me up with loud hammering attaching this monstrosity to my door. From the rest of the household decor, I can deduce he favours silver. This is an over elaborate folly. Perhaps he's taking a sideways snipe at me in retaliation to my previous outburst, but I will 'prove' i'm not a fraud, in time. 

I feel Elizabeth rush past me in a whirl of excitement, throwing herself at the dress on it's mannequin. 

"I love it! Such a pretty shade of blue, soft like the skies in spring, it'll match perfectly with Ciel's eyes; oh how I adore them! It's beautiful, how the butterflies are so well crafted they could be real! I can picture Ciel finally dancing with me like he has never danced before."   
I chuckle softly, if only she knew how true that was looking to be. "Oh I just imagine the whole garment coming to life like magic!" She squeals and claps "I simply must try it on!" 

"And you will get to, patience is a virtue milady." I smile and help her remove her current dress, stripping her down to the very last frills of her chemise, and slowly unlace the back of the new gowns corset. Her eyes watch me, glittering with anticipation, as I finally remove it off the body of the mannequin. I help her step into it, weaving the ribbons through their eyelets and pulling them tightly to her. Posing in front of the mirror, her smiles glistens vibrantly, feet tapping rhythmically on the floor as if she couldn't resist the temptation of dancing.

"Oh Leah, I cannot thank you enough for this. Now, lets get you all dolled up too!"

Time has fled since dressing up for tonight's main event, shadowing young Elizabeth as she waits at the right wing of the grand staircase.   
Knelt behind the banister, and peering through the gaps between as guests appeared, she swoons over Ciel at the door beside his butler. Less wooed, and more for idle entertainment, I gaze at Sebastian as he announces each couple's names, listening carefully to them.   
I could recognise a few as buyers of my family's label, some came from seasons ago, some at my mothers hand and more recent, but the one that caught my eye the was the last of them to walk in. No one would bat an eye to this convincing mimic. My fathers hands did make this dress. But I was enough his daughter to tell he rushed it with no heart in the garment at all. I keep my frustration at bay while Elizabeths parents are introduced, then her brother...

"And Finally, our guest of honour, escorted by our house guest Leah, Lady Elizabeth Miss Cordelia Midford" 

The room fills with customary polite applause that soon becomes more as I guide Elizabeth into full view of her guests. A simultaneous gasp puts her at unease, however she rapidly realises that her own rapturous delight on first glimpsing the gown, has now been mirrored by her guests. I follow behind as she walks confidently down the steps and I relax beside the banister contentedly. Ciel offers out his hand to his fiancé

"Milady, my I offer you the first dance?" 

I am proud of my pupil's newfound confidence as he leads Elizabeth majestically to the centre of the room, the assembled orchestra on tenterhooks awaiting their signal. Watching from a distance, I can see what I felt when I partnered him. He has excellent poise and dexterity, more than equal to Elizabeth. I admire the dress and the fruit of my labour, her grace enhanced by the fluent movements of the dress that follows her steps. To me it's apparent that before tonight she must've expected to stumble along to Ciel's wooden lead. Her steps are a little clumsy as she attempts to keep up, putting the schools ball etiquette to some use. 

Sebastian now relieved of his immediate duties, is watching Ciel intently. From this distance I can't be certain, but it appears his bottom lip is quivering slightly, and I can't resist a self indulgent smirk. Like two chess players assessing the ballroom as the board, and the guests as our pieces, our eyes are on the game, but our minds are on each other.   
My pretence of simply watching Ciel and Elizabeth dance is revealed in all it's fakery as Sebastian's eyes somehow meet mine, as if the couple are completely transparent. In fact the entire scene has blurred to nothing for a while as we both stand transfixed studying our prey. Have I unnerved him in some way by my successes to date, Proving I'm a woman of my word? Or, had he felt my vows of yesterday were merely the hysteria at the shock of my mothers death? 

As the first dance is ending, Sebastian takes the opportunity to cross the dance floor toward me. My heart leaps and the sudden pang of anxiety brings blood to my cheeks. Surely he's not about to ask for a dance just yet! I hear my name from two places in unison like a curious echo, but before I have a chance to discover the source of the second voice, I'm spun onto the dance floor, nearly breaking the heel on my shoe. My overzealous rescuer 

"Someone call for a rescue? That surly butler seems to be giving you the eye. I'd have rid of him, but Alas Ciel is a spoilt brat, and he's the closest thing to a guardian. I'd be happy to put him in his place for you, just say the word"   
we've been dancing and I've barely registered any of his words. But from what I can detect, he's a pompous arse. and now he's pulling me tighter to him, he seems to be steering us towards his sister and Ciel. His grip is unyielding and uncomfortable, and I resent looking such an inept partner. He deliberately forces me to collide into Ciel who quite remarkably manages to manoeuvre Elizabeth before her brother could topple into her. Despite the save, she's clearly vexed.   
"Steady there Ciel, swift move. Or maybe you'll kid yourself that I'm the one with two left feet- OW! Lizzy!" 

"Had a drink already, Squiffy? Should I interrupt father half way through his pipe, and important business? You know what he's like without a full smoke. Don't ruin this birthday for me with your delusions of grandeur. Or we'll have fencing match you know you'll only lose" 

Theres a gasp from everyone as he skulks away into the throng of guests and the music seems to have stopped abruptly at his departure. Ciel breaks the silence with a snigger that becomes raws of laughter from the statues still on the dance floor, all relieved the awkward moment had now passed. Elizabeth gently strokes my arm when the opening bars of the next dance are played and people take their new partners  
"I'm very sorry for my brothers presumptuous advances. Should we have Sebastian fetch you a drink?" Her eyes search for him amongst the gentleman wallflowers, a silver tray underarm. "Any beverage should help clear your embarrassment, it's Edward who should feel more ashamed." 

I bow my head and excuse myself, Sebastian meeting me in the middle with a glass of brandy

"I thought this drink could numb the pain of that must be said, disastrous first dance. After all you're a ball debutante. However if you're looking for better company on the dance floor, then you are sadly to be disappointed. Eager Edward is a typical example of the parasitic entourage that follow Elizabeth. I admire his expressionless bile, barely raising his voice as he curses all and sundry." I laugh listening to him "whilst their parents quaff liquors, strutting about like pretentious peacocks. Some of their family fortunes would've been better spent educating their sons to use the silver spoons they were born with in their mouths, rather than sending their unfortunate girls to finishing school" 

"I've lived it first hand Sebastian, my situations the same, and had it not been that I'm Ciel's guest, they would have treated me with the same contempt they appear to have for you." Teases and raises the glass to my lips. My eyes smile over the rim playfully, as I take a more manageable sip of brandy than before. 

"Yes, but what kind of butler would I be if I could not rise above such prejudice?"

I pass several waltzes and Ciel and Elizabeth are owning the floor in the way a host should. The orchestra has done a superb job of keeping the dancers consistently light on their feet with their variety. They've moved onto a polka, quite an extravagant modern dance, becoming popular with the younger generation. I'm a little nervous having not seen him attempt this before, Sebastian beside me just waiting for that moment of disaster. He's leaning towards the conductor, trying to pass on some message to perhaps change the piece they're playing. But I yank his arm round to watch. At that moment Ciel chooses to lift a squealing, overjoyed Elizabeth, and spin her effortlessly. 

"Are the dancing shoes you picked out for him enchanted" Sebastian mumbles "he should put her down before she becomes too giddy" Once again on cue, Ciel releases Elizabeth into a graceful jump, her momentum carries her body into his arms, and she arches her back, Ciel drawing her into an embrace. "Forgive me Leah I could barely look, I thought he was going to drop her there and..." I wait for him to finish his sentence but as I turn to him, his mouth moves, but no words are coming out. His eyes are wide as if in shock, fixated on Ciel. I look from one to another, and I've noticed they've stopped dancing. 

There's a radiance between them both, and Sebastian seems disturbed by it, choking on his words as though suffering a mild asthma attack "he's...smiling..."   
I can't see his problem. Ciel, despite how rushed he was into his maturity, should still be allowed to enjoy a tender coming of age moment with his betrothed. 

"I don't understand you, what was the purpose of this ball if not to strengthen their relationship?"

"The young mistress requested it" he tries to disguise the resentment in his tone.

"You're making the same mistake as you were going to make with the dress, you need to understand what she really wants, not simply what she says." I'm sure he gets it, but I spell it out anyway "All Elizabeth has ever wanted was this little moment right here when Ciel could smile at her genuinely. The ball hardly matters anymore" the polka has ended, many begin to retire and the orchestra are taking well deserved refreshments too. Doors from both sides of the hall swing open and from one, emerges the figure of Elizabeths mother. She claps her hands in delight at the sight of her daughter and Ciel. Making her way towards us, I expect she's come to talk to Sebastian, but she steps between us and turns her back on him pointedly.   
"Sort out the brouhaha in the games parlour, and tell my husband I'd like a dance"   
Sebastian gives a bow and leaves. She grasps my hand, but doesn't completely meet my eye as she stares at the only two now on the dance floor. "Congratulations on the dress, quite a unique finish. If this is the quality your family is producing in the future, then I think we could be interested in commissioning more from you" I feel obliged to explain that I'm working independently, but I'm cut short by fingernails piercing my hand. "Oh bravo!" I follow her eyes to Elizabeth and Ciel "how sweet young love is Leah, wouldn't you agree? My darling girl, sharing a kiss with her fiancé!" 

Sebastian hasn't quite made it to the door when those words stopped him in his tracks. He wheels round as though shot, a look of horror mixed with betrayal etched on his face. His mood is not to be softened when Elizabeth skips away from her lovers embrace, and helps herself to two glasses of punch, before announcing they would be retiring to his study for time to themselves. Her mother raises a half amused eyebrow "wouldn't a moonlit walk in the grounds be more appropriate? Your poor excuse of a brother could chaperone you. He needs the air to sober up." Giggling, Elizabeth hugs round her mothers waist

"Oh please mother, I'm a lady not a little girl. We won't do anything-" theres a loud clattering as the door closest to Sebastian swings open and Edward stumbles though, tripping over an ice bucket, and sending both sprawling across the floor. Fortunately, Sebastian manages to grab him from his jacket before he crashes into a pillar. Elizabeth seizes the opportunity to escape the room with a beaming and blushing Ciel following swiftly beside her. 

"Unhand me you loathsome servant! What are you all staring at? it's a party!" Edward gives a raucous laugh, suddenly snapping at the conductor as he sits down "champaign, MORE, now!" Edward is kicking and wailing until Sebastian hoists him into a chair, and ill advisedly hands him a freshly opened bottle. Francis Midford tuts, leading me away from the drama 

"Perhaps you'd accompany me for a stroll along the grounds. I was sad to hear of your mothers passing..." I breathe in the cool fragrant air as we step onto the gravel path outside. "It was sensible to seek solace of the Phantomhive's, given the previous ties you've had with this family in your childhood, and all that time here we've seen you grow up." Reminiscing leaves me temporarily mute. I doubt this was even meant to be a conversation, Francis has lots to tell me. "It was quite a shock one day when your father confronted my late brother with accusations of impropriety, and your poor innocent mother humiliated in such a violent way. The family was left no choice, but to sever ties immediately" She speaks like I would've heard this before, but my father is obviously a master of keeping such skeletons well hidden. I bite my lip and let it pass without comment "as if that hasn't been enough for you to endure, the scandal of your brother imprisoned is the talk of London" I'm numb, this does not shock me as it would have done only a short time ago. My brother is a demon. I have no sympathy for the devil, or interest in the reason for his current incarceration. 

Our short but troubling walk makes me feel more comforted by the warm glow of the chandelier, and the soothing strings played by the orchestra. The emperor waltz is quite fitting. Standing by the door as I enter, Sabastian holds a majestic arm for me to take. 

"Milady, might I interest you in a dance? As a favour; you've deprived yourself of dancing since Edward, and if there's no better partner I can allocate you, I insist. Or rather, Lady Elizabeth would insist." I take his arm, but let the music sweep me. I doubt I can get much past Sebastian, my guards are down, which becomes evident when I rest my head on his shoulder. This is much to annoy the audience we've managed to acquire. Not many of these people are accustomed to see a butler dancing with a guest. He lures me closer, and I can hear once more, the smirk in his tone when he whispers in my ear "is this a display of weakness, Leah? And here I thought-"

"Hardly, I am comfortable in my own skin, therefore decide my own boundaries" he complains and yet it's him who allowed me into his personal space. Effortlessly gliding around the dance floor, Sebastian gazes above my head, attempting to grow his neck to avoid my eyes. He underestimates how light I am on my feet, lifting myself to graze his eye level, and making it impossible. Is this a game he's made between us, after being the one to ask me to dance?   
"This is still a conversation, yes? Ciel understood" I mutter under my breath. Almost with some invisible telepathy between Sebastian and the conductor, the orchestra picks up the tempo into a gallop. A few drunken souls join the dance, providing an obstacle for us to skilfully manoeuvre around. I sense my heart rate has risen, he will notice that, and Sebastian's expression reveals that flicker of victory. But I make sure it's short lived, taking the reigns. Just for a moment he knows. I'm leading him. Unimpressed, yet continuing to keep up appearances. 

"Touché, Leah" he looks at me at last. "Perhaps on the next spin, you allow me to prevent us into careering into Edith Drundle, she's fragile in her old days" It's not the most accomplished turn, but our blushes are spared by the fact theres a disruption amongst the violinists. Theres a screech like someone pulled the breaks sharply on a steam train, and the music judders to a halt

"Take your eyes off my wife!" I'd say the poor dandy had no choice, as the sharp point of the bow had probably blinded him. Flailing around in pain, he swung a fist at his fellow violinist, knocking him clean out. I was slightly stunned till his hip flask tumbled out his pocket and clattered to the floor. The smell of strong liquor permeated the air. Sebastian tuts 

"Well it seems I must sort this out, these two gentlemen are clearly in no fit state to continue playing. Maestro, would you permit me to borrow these two instruments. My partner and I would like to provide further entertainment." I'm sure this is meant to test yet again one of my boasts, when will he ever learn? "The dänse Macabre, do you know it?" I respond by playing the opening bars. He gives me an appraising stare, clears his throat 'adequate' "when you're ready, on my-" 

I've already signalled for the cellos to begin, setting the sombre tone, people around nervous of the sinister chords as I play. Roles reverse when Edward begins to pull various couples to dance

"Whether ghosts exist or not, lets not let superstition destroy our spirits!"

The way the piece is composed, it's a duel of violins. Whilst staying harmonised perfectly together, I know the competition between us is to br fierce. I feel the strings warm beneath my fingers, moving from memory, fluently from fret to fret. Our bows are synchronise at exact angles, a small detail lost on everyone but Sebastian. And still, our footwork is precise and faultless, as we waltz ourselves. The conductor is now dancing with a tight corseted governess, Paula. His lack of height makes this particularly comedic considering the maids ample bosom.  
We dictate the rhythm and pace of the music, and neither one of us are ready to give up. We're at the most complex of crescendos when Edward, still mildly inebriated, chooses the moment to violently yank the unconscious violinists wife towards him. She resists his advance and tries to pull away, coughing and clutching her chest. Frustrated, Edward gives up, and releases her hand. She lurches forward attempting to pull the choker at her neck, dropping the violin I run to aid her. I hear Sebastian call behind me

"Nobody touch her!"  
I feel his strong hand over my shoulder pulling me back, the colour has drained from her face. My mirror image, sprawled in front of me dead. And then the screams.


End file.
